selamat hari ibu, the emo way.

....
begitu tinggi martabat mu ibu,
hinggakan syurga ku di tapak kakimu...

kau mengorbankan nyawa dan badan

demi memberiku secebis kehidupan

segunung kasih kau curah padaku..

bagaikan menatang minyak yang penuh

dikau bekalkan jiwa ragaku pelita hidup

penyuluh laluanku

....

- bakti ibu, dikir temasek

i dont think my mum has ever heard this song or this dikir barat thing ever, and i guess she'll never know im dedicating it to her. it doesnt really matter anyway. i know she's not that tech-savvy or even care about handphones or luxury bags. But it doesnt make her any less better than anyone else.

This old naggy woman, is my mum. She nags and nags at my siblings and me for whatever reasons. But we love her all the same. She keeps nagging about solat, about studies, about the weather, about Hilfi ;) , about Nadra, about how late my sis comes home from 'school', about how young my sis still is etc..etc.

and still, we love her all the same.

i think, we are very lucky we have a close-knitted family. we eat out every weekend, we joke about everything, my dad and i always fight to get our opinions across, my sis and me always lend each other's clothes, we constantly had each others' back and yet at the same time, we always know to give out advices to each other if we think they had done something wrong.

everybody loves their mums, in one way or another. ;) and my mum's lucky we love her so much. and happy mother's day to me too..

i dreamt i went fishing last night.
maybe i shud go fishing one day.

i have no life.

****
the husband just called. both of them are vomiting thru and thru, while im at work, all fine and healthy, abit hungry at the same time.

i instantly felt so helpless. i wish i cud be at 2 different places at the same time. i wish i cud magically disappear without the supervisor realising im gone, and be back at work just in time before the boss comes in. i wish i cud be with my baby, nursing him to sleep, making milo for the both of them, who are probably weak after the vomiting episode.

i wish i can do lots of things for them. but i am afterall human. my hands are only two and all i can do for them is pray no more vomitings after this.

i forget sometimes there's a limit to what i can do. i wish i may, i wish i might .. but i just cant be the superwoman i wish i cud be tonight.

you make me feel invalid every single second, and i began to see things the way i shud have seen long long time ago. and why have i fail to see the presence of failure in all this is beyond me.

am i a failure, or has everything else i do fails me?

on the way

i wish i know someone who can plan my trips for me to go at a very affordable budget. knowing my finance constraints for the moment, i will still love to go all out for a holiday away from the region. and knowing my budget, i know i won't be able to go too far out.

damn.

we're goin on a date

he's picking me up from work.he's gonna meet me.and im soooo excited.

ssshhhh...

ina misses her most bestest, closest women. they are her sane pills besides the 2 boys. how are U. U. U. U. U. U? call me, text me, whateva just date me out so i can meet u girls and lets be merry happy n drunk.

galpals that kickass!

so, boy has decided to sell off his bike. i say, most likely not. cause the bike's kinda his life besides bedding me and acting father to the son. i shall not push it further i think. he shall let it go when he finally wants to let it go. the hobby is HIS sane pill. but naturally, i digress. since it seems like eternity for him to decide, i decided to MAKE the decision for him, for us. You go keep that bike. Wudnt that make you happy, baby?

ps; im back to my old habit. fuck.

"but love, i've to come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other everyday... "

- nicholas sparks, "the wedding"

and i've come to my senses. marriage is afterall a hard work. and to sustain the fire burning in the matrimony, needs effort from both. there's no such thing as a perfect marriage, nor is there a perfect soulmate. but learning to accept flaws in each other is perhaps the medicine to every problem that rises.

i've learn also not to set too high a standard for my significant other, in which i think i cant meet either. in this event, i know i wont get disappointed by the very bar i set, which seems unfair as i see it.

love, is easier said than shown i guess. so, i take my every day journey of life with him as a step of learning that there is love in the real world, not just in the hollywood movies. :)

moving on has start kicking in. the feelings can never get this good. it kinda releases me from the anger and lots of disappointments. if i am doctor, i'll recommend a dosage or two to people who seems to be going on and on and on about all things past.

start living YOUR own life, not someone else's. you'll get better i promise.

All at 16months

I definitely know now, how tough it is to become a mother. A working mother at that. It's so hard juggling all that important stuffs around. Sweats, losing my loud voice just to keep him in sight, running after him at Kiddy Palace and struggling to keep him in order, while the husband makes sure the son's poo doesnt stain his shorts, the carpet n everywhere around the house and make sure this kid eats.

ultimate stress.

but everytime i look at his face when i got home from work, makes me melt, makes me wanna pound on him and tickle him, makes me wanna hug him til he cries maammaa!! nanakk.. i believe this happens to every mum, no matter how many children she has.

and we're making sure no. 2 shud not make its appearance just yet you know. we have to be fair with this one first. We are making sure we are financially, physically and emotionally sufficient for the no. 2.

Just to be fair. :)